you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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