Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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