i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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