I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
