You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
