if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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