I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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