I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize