You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
