Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
