So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
