You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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