you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
