That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
