woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
