The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
