How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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