There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
