You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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