Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
