this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
