chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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