atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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