I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
