peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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