Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
