I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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