My liver just broke up with me...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
