Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
