2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
