Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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