Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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