having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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