I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
