hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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