Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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