he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
