She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
