Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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