Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
