Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
