Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
