He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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