So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
