Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
