Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
