Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
