Are we in a gay sports bar?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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