Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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