my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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