3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
