a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
