So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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