Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
