Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
