You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
