what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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