Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
