Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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