This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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