I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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